Coping Method
by Moonypiez
Summary: Ianto always felt empty. Nothing could fill the void he felt. Nothing could fill the vastness that Jack left when he disappeared. This was his way of coping.


Coping Method

Disclaimer- Don't own Torchwood

Warning- eating disorder (Bulimia)

RATED M

A/N- Just thinking about writing this makes me wanna cry… You've been warned :D

Time- Set When Jack left with the Doctor

* * *

_Coping. That's it. I'm coping. Coping with Jack's disappearance. _Ianto thought as he brushed his teeth. _God, I'm running out of mouthwash fast…. _Ianto was going back to Torchwood after being out for a couple days. The team knew how close Ianto and Jack were. Just giving him time. Time to cope. Ianto pulled his car out and arrived at the hub shortly after. The alarm went off as he opened the cog door. He was the first one in, but then again, it was around 5 in the morning. He started to clean up. It had only been around a week that he was gone but there was garbage strewn everywhere and paperwork piled high on everyone's desk. The team was trying to function without Jack being there. Obviously, not doing as well. Ianto got most cleaned up when the cog door went off again. Gwen and Tosh walked in and waved at Ianto. Owen came in shortly after and Ianto gave everyone their coffees. The day went on unlike any other normal Torchwood day, they were missing there leader. Everything was off. Owen was answering calls from UNIT. He was literally screaming over the phone. Gwen was trying to get the police to do something useful and Tosh was messing around with the rift program. Ianto was trying to finish off some paper work. By lunch time, everyone was burned out. They ordered some Chinese takeout. Ianto decided to let the others eat first before he did. He tried to monitor the rift while they were eating. When they finished Ianto took his food into the tourist office. He started shoveling it down his throat. Ever since Jack left… He always felt empty. Like he was missing something. Like he lost everything. And that turned into hunger. When he finished, he still didn't feel full. Nothing made him feel full anymore. Just heavy, slow. He hated that sluggish feeling though. He felt it now. The food weighing him down. Ianto suddenly felt very nauseous. He ran to the bathroom and vomited everything out. He used some mouth wash that he had pocketed that morning. His breath tasted disgusting.

* * *

Ianto walked into his flat. They had just finished another hard day at Torchwood. Just because Jack had to leave….The thought made Ianto starving. He ended up ordering five large peperoni pizzas. When he got the food he went onto his couch and stuffed his face. Have to get rid of the emptiness. He wolfed down the food and ran into the bathroom. He started vomiting into the toilet until nothing was left. He just couldn't keep food down anymore. But he didn't want to anyway. He brushed his teeth to try to get rid of the flavor that the vomit tainted his mouth with. He went right back to his kitchen and ate anything that was in his hands range. Jaffa Cakes, crisps, Jammie Dodgers. Not long until he felt the nausea creeping in again. He put his finger down his throat and felt relief in his stomach.

* * *

"Okay team." Owen said when everyone was in the hub. "Time for yearly physicals." Jack might be gone, but Owen was still a doctor. When he finished, everyone was still relatively well. Ianto's physical was a little bit off though. For one, since last year he had lost a lot of weight. As Owen thought about it, you could tell. Ianto always looked like he kept getting thinner and thinner. Owen decided to keep an eye on Ianto because with all the work Torchwood had, he couldn't do much else.

* * *

On a rather slow day at Torchwood, the whole team ate take out for lunch. They had pizza. They were all talking and laughing about something while Ianto was silent. He was trying so hard to not eat the pizza in 2 bites. Trying not to fill the emptiness. Not yet. He needed privacy. Ianto tried to not think. To stop thinking about the vastness that was now in his stomach. In his heart. Next thing Ianto knew, everyone was silent and staring at him. Ianto also realized that he had eaten three slices of pizza.

"You ok Ianto?" Gwen asked and Ianto tried to come up with a story.

"Yeah I'm fine, just didn't eat anything today…" Ianto replied and everyone went back to small talk except Owen. Owen was just staring at him. Like he knew something… He couldn't know about this could he? No. Impossible. After the pizza, Ianto excused himself to the bathroom.

"Is it just me, or has Ianto been acting a little strange lately." Tosh asked in concern for her friend.

"A little bit. Probably nothing to worry about," Gwen said, not thinking much on the topic.

* * *

Ianto felt his hand slip down his throat. He needed the relief. When Ianto flushed the toilet, he felt his eyes tear up. This couldn't be what he was now. He was so afraid of the emptiness inside him. He needed to fill it. He ran out of Torchwood and into a café that was close by. He looked at the menu and ordered over half of the items on the list. He needed to fill the void. Food was the only thing he had. When he got his food, he immediately started eating. He barely stopped to breathe as he stuffed his face. He was sure everyone was staring at him crazily, but he didn't care. It didn't matter as long as the emptiness was still there. When he finished, he went right into the bathrooms. The food just sat in his stomach, not doing anything to help fill the gap in his heart. He puked again. His throat stung as he dry heaved over the toilet. There was nothing left to purge. Nothing left in his stomach. He flushed the toilet and went to the sinks. Then he started coughing up blood. The crimson substance just stained the paper towel that he held. That's when the bathroom door opened and Owen walked in.

"Holy shit! Ianto?" Owen said as he ran up next to Ianto. By then, he had gotten in control of the blood he was spewing up. He threw the paper towel away and got another one to clean his mouth. Owen just stared in disbelief. "Would you like to tell me what just happened!?"

"I'm not really sure. I just started coughing up blood…"

"But why are you coughing up blood!"

"I don't know!"

"I just walked by a bunch of people who said they just saw a guy eat over half a menu in under 10 minutes! Now what's going on!?" Owen screamed, trying to get Ianto to confess.

"It's so empty. There's nothing left in my heart and the numbness hurts. I thought food could fill the gap, but nothing can! And since the food isn't filling the void it's just sitting there! Making me nauseous!" Ianto said as he let a few tears finally escape. Owen listened in understanding. "I can't even eat. The food just doesn't stay down. I don't want to do this anymore. It hurts."

_Bulimia _Owen thought. "Did this start when Jack left?" Owen asked and Ianto nodded. _Fucking Jack_. "Come on, were going back to the hub." Owen paid Ianto's bill and dragged him back to the hub.

* * *

A/N- I changed the part when Jack came back to fit in with the story

_Back at Torchwood. Home. Thank god. _Jack thought as he opened the cog door. When he walked inside he saw Ianto and Owen in the med bay. He heard sobbing. "Ianto? Owen?" He ran into the med bay and Ianto was on the autopsy table, shirtless while Owen took tests. Ianto's ribs were poking out of his stomach. You could count every one, he was so skinny. Jack could see tears trailing down Ianto's face. "Ianto? Are you okay?"

Owen punched Jack in the face and screamed "DOES HE LOOK OKAY?!" Ianto got up from the autopsy table and clung onto Jack. Jack hugged back realizing that whatever was wrong, was his fault.

"I'm sorry Ianto. I'm so sorry."

"Where were you!?" Ianto cried.

"I was saving the world… again."

"You're always saving the world. It's not a valid excuse anymore."

"I found the Doctor. I had to go. But I came back. For you Ianto." Jack kissed Ianto and Owen was covering his eyes.

"Please don't make me watch this." Owen said as they started making out. "I am always here for ruining the moment and nothing has changed with me so… JACK STOP HAVING SEX WITH IANTO AND COME OVER HERE!" Jack and Ianto grudgingly came back and Ianto went back on the table. "Thank you."

"So… back to my first question. What's wrong?"

"Ianto has bulimia. And it's all YOUR fault!" Owen said pointing harshly at Jack. Jack stood over Ianto and kissed him on the head.

"It's okay, Ianto. We'll help you through this… This happened when I left didn't it…"

"No shit Sherlock." Owen said angrily. "Why did you leave!? Do you know how hard its been!?"

"I'm sorry Owen. But it wasn't fun and games for me either. How long has it been for you?"

"Over 3 months…" Owen answered.

"I have been gone around a year." Jack responded.

"How?" Ianto asked.

"I was with a time traveler… I was subject to a year of torture, a year of pain. The only thing to keep me sane was Torchwood. Being able to come back to it all. Being able to come back to you Ianto." Jack smiled and kissed Ianto.

"It'll be okay now… right?" Ianto said, innocence shining through his voice.

"Yeah… I spose' it will be." Owen said.

* * *

Dear Diary,

It's Ianto… Again. As if it would be anyone else. Jack came back finally. The emptiness is slowly leaving. Only traces of it still here. Haven't vomited since. Thankfully. It has been a month since last incident… When I started to get better before, I relapsed. Started again. Couldn't bear eating anything. It just came back up. Jack caught me. You could see the tears in his eyes. But I'm okay now. Anyways, I'm going to make a coffee run for the team. Write more soon.

_Ianto Jones_

* * *

_A/N- Only intended this to be One shot. Got this idea off another fan fiction… Its called Addiction by Georgia Doe. I randomly clicked that fan fic one night… I have never seen Fullmetal Alchemist before but it was a FANTASTIC story so I hope you go read it. My ending is shit but if you have read any of my other stories they have terrible endings too. Review, Favorite, read my other stories, eat a hamburger I could care less :D_


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